Life without a Gall Bladder is lot more annoying than anyone tells you. Let's look at things. The ProblemA Proton-Pump Inhibitor does some strange things to the body. For one, they reduce the output of acid by inhibiting its production. Take it once before your first meal, and your stomach acid activates the ingredients, reducing your acid production throughout the day. Originally, this helped me eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, but the long-lasting effects only delayed the truth of my poor health habits. I was treating a symptom, not a cause. I can't really blame my past self, though. I was literally feeling awesome until my Gallstones sent me to the hospital. I had no idea that anything was wrong until it was. The doctor recommended removing my Gallbladder (which I don't recommend, now knowing what it actually did to me) instead of taking some other medications to break down and pass the stones. I opted for the surgery, and now I'm missing an otherwise excellent organ for breaking down fatty foods like ICE CREAM, CAKE, and ALCOHOL. Now I need to eat those once in a long while or not at all. I know, forced healthy eating, woe is me, but I would have liked to know the real cost associated with this simple procedure. Now, socially, I more often opt out from everything my friends are doing because if I don't, I'll spend the next 6 hours in excruciating pain. And that's the other kicker from removing your Gallbladder. NOW, when you enjoy a cup of ice cream, you either have to time it early in the day, or immediately perform a three-hour intense weightlifting session followed by an extended LISS (Low-Impact Steady-State) cardio session, with a thousand crunches to pass the gas now built up in your body. You think I'm joking. Early on, before we learned all of my triggers, I would be up all hours of the night in excruciating pain ratcheting through my torso - all gas built up from foods consumed earlier in the day, that hadn't caused problems before the surgery. Without the Gallbladder to release bile and help break these things down, I was up for a world of hurt any time I strayed from my mystery path. We learned, I embraced weight training out of necessity, and we tracked my triggers to avoid "a bad night." I still make mistakes here and there, and my body lets me know if I've been too lazy too many days in a row with a hefty gut punch of nausea and regret (pun intended). So I NEED to stay active, even moreso than others my age. On count two, PPIs leech your body's calcium to activate over years of taking them, stacking up the risk of osteoporosis. Yeah, learned that a couple times over. There have been many moments in my 30s here that I noted feeling brittle; my nails are thin, my bones ache, my nerves are weary - like my skeleton is strung out. Maybe that's why I crave so much Fairlife and Core Power throughout the day (Protein and Calcium). It's count three that seals the deal, though. Despite their purpose in helping your Esophagus heal, they are also a major contributing risk factor to its cancer. That's throat cancer, for all you normies. They didn't tell me that when they stuck me on this crap and insisted that I take it for THE REST OF MY LIFE, even with the dietary changes. The Path Is ConfusingSo I went to a naturopath gut specialist and two things came out of it. 1) I needed to go full Paleo. And 2) I need to take OX BILE SUPPLEMENTS. We went strict Paleo for about three weeks, and I felt awful. Mental fog, hungry all the time, and wondering if this was all going to be worth it. Then, the supplements... THE WORST ACID ATTACKS OF MY LIFE. Instead, I opted to eat as clean as possible and work out as consistently as possible. We're talking eggs, rice, vegetables, fruit, lean meats, and paleo-friendly protein snacks. Still on my medication, after five days of working out, I felt like a superhero. So I decided to take a day without the PPI. The morning was awesome, though I did feel a little funny. By noon that day, I was experiencing what I now know to be the first bits of nausea, but I muscled through (detailed below). Now I balance between high water intake, little to no classic sugars (candy, traditional soda, baked goods), and a protein-rich diet with greens. So far, my body thanks me, but I haven't been able to shake off the meds entirely Caffeine SourcesCoffee is tricky. The blacker the coffee, the higher the acid, and as a diuretic on top of that, it passes through me like a nuclear bomb, twisting up my gut and burning everything on the way down. Not fun - to that one guy at the bar who told me that "we won World War II on black coffee, suck it up kiddo," I invite you to switch bodies with me and chug a mug of that stuff. When you're convulsing on the floor thinking you're having a heart attack, we can swap notes on personal histories. If I add creamer and sugar, things get easier, but you'd think they wouldn't. I just added fat, milk, and sugar, three big no-no's in the GERD community. And yet, my body craves milk proteins (and protein in general, hence becoming more Paleo-ish lately), and has yet to have a bad reaction from them (save for the weight gain, that is). Ice Cream...isn't milk, not in its true form, so don't go there. Anywhoot, now that I've corrupted the coffee past the point of it having any benefit beyond dessert, it isn't satisfying enough to fill that deep void of dopamine. It never was. And depending on the quality of the roast, it could trigger an acid attack no matter what you put in it. So I turned to other sources: I craved vitamins, electrolytes, sugar, and caffeine. Yeah, you guessed it - Energy Drinks. However, not all Energy Drinks are created equal, and as I experimented, I took notes. Let me share with you my discoveries... A Rundown Of Energy Drinks and Why Most Suck (for me)RED BULL (all varieties) - lighter and less, but the same super expensive price. Too light for me, and something about their energy mix makes me crazy over a few days. My brain gets super unfocused, and all of my minor OCD and ADHD habits get amplified tenfold. Not fun. C4 - this 0 calorie monstrosity seemed great at first, but any day I had it I was wracked with painful muscle spasms in the middle of the night. Had to go to several sessions of massage therapy just to relieve it. Spasms stopped once I stopped drinking it. MONSTER (Original - Green) - the OG, this one got me through some rough patches in my life, but too much of a good thing is still a bad thing. I'm scaling down to their 10.5 oz cans, once per day. I'd like to get to one every other day, then as needed from there. For whatever reason, this mix grounds me and helps me focus without feeling jittery or even crashing. It's weird; I'm still researching why that would be while everything else pales in comparison. MONSTER (Lo-Carb) - tastes...wrong. Fine in a pinch, and a decent switch if I'm cutting calories, but it feels weak (probably because it is). MONSTER (Zero Sugar) - just like Red Bull, this one makes me crazy, but it's within an hour of drinking it. Headaches, sometimes full migraines, and sometimes nausea, as well as losing daily life focus. Avoid whenever possible. BANG - Bang works...too well. Something about the mix keeps me up for days on end, and I have to keep moving or I feel I'll vibrate through a wall. Maybe that's why some of the gym rats use this stuff as a pre-workout (don't use this as a pre-workout; use a pre-workout as a pre-workout). NOS - one of my D&D buddies chugs this stuff, and I've only had it once. Didn't like the taste, but moreso it felt flat; medicinal mostly. May revisit someday, but I won't hold my breath. ROCKSTAR - one of the grossest things I've ever ingested. Triggered a full-on acid attack. Do not recommend. Worth noting: Caffeine Pills make me manic, don't go there. "No-Med" Day 1 - A Play-By-Play (Monday)7am - Wake up, hungry as heck 8am - ate a carb load - Breakfast tortilla (5g) with 3 eggs (18g) and a slice of munster (5g); Assessment: A little bloat in the tummy, but no nausea or pain. A little belch on my drive to the auto shop. 8:30am - Caffeine Source, Green Monster, 16oz. Assessment: More belching to follow, but I'm listening the most to my intestines and how everything moves. I expect the belching, the drink's carbonated, but unlike standard sodas, I've never had a gas attack from Monster (ever) 10/11am - Liquid Snack, Fairlife Milk (23g) Assessment: gut was getting a little pang-y, which is really just an indicator of "consume more actual food, moron," so this neutralizing milk jug was effective. I definitely feel my weight more today, but it might just be a heightened awareness of my body composition in general. I'm certainly paying attention to how I'm feeling! 11:30pm - Weight Training (Forearms + Pull Day) Assessment: as one of the long-lasting effects of a PPI is weight gain (you're not processing food and nutrients the same way anymore), lifting 6-7 days a week is essential for my happy place, and though I've been able to turn around from my 230+ weight and head more easily toward 200... I can't shake the feeling that my years-long affair with this medication has played a nefarious role in impeding me. Lifting feels...free-er somehow. Probably psycho-sematic placebo. 1pm - Lunch 2pm - Feeling a little funky, staying active not to think about it. 3pm - QT 5pm - Dinner/QT 6/8pm - It is amazing how connected my gut is to my brain. If it's feeling uncentered, so am I, but I prefer hunger to discomfort. My brief experiences with Ketosis and intermittent fasting taught me not be afraid of hunger feelings. 9pm - Rehearsal 10pm - Sleep/Night Assessment: sleep time is where my anxiety is highest. Powerful formative memories of painful nights wishing my body would allow me enough relief to get even an hour of rest. This time around...I took an antacid to be careful, and woke up a little nauseous - too much acid spinning around. Have to take this in short bursts, it seems. Lessons and TakeawaysHaving remade myself many times, I know that the first day is often the easiest to implement. Habits are simple when you're riding the wind of change. It's days 2 and 3 that kick the crap out of you. So I can feel good about today, but the real work begins tomorrow. However, I came prepared, equipped with years of life lessons customized to my body and soul.
I - Take your time between food intake and slow down. Relaxing when I eat and taking my time does wonders for portion control and avoiding stress on my stomach and esophagus. Spacing out my meal times also ensures that I don't get overfull, which can ruin my day and protein goals (there's no room and I can't digest it all in time). II - Pushups every day are saving my life. I started small to build up the habit (5 each morning), and now I'm at 25, pushing to 50 per day. It keeps my muscles happy, I don't have to do them all in one shot (though I'd like to someday), and it helps me wake up in the morning. III - Caffeine acts like food, but isn't food. An energy drink will stave off the hunger pangs for a limited time, and without the PPI, that time limit shortens. The pangs I feel mean "eat real food, moron", not an acid attack. IV - Move, lift, work, achieve. The more UP I am, the better my day is, and the closer I move toward my many goals. It's simple, but hard. I can do hard things (get a standing desk, it's a game changer). V - Stop eating at 7pm. Especially if you want to be asleep by 10pm each night. A little hunger at night is a welcome alternative to hours of pain. It's worked wonders on the PPI; it should do great off of it, too. I'll write more as the experiment continues. This entry has taken far too long as it is.
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Image courtesy of Wizards of the Coast- My favorite summoned-demon-to-a-victorious-ravenous-war-band-of-gnolls is on the table this week! A Shoosuva is a hyena-demon gifted by Yeenoghu (the gnoll god) to an especially powerful Gnoll (typically a Fang). A Shoosuva manifests shortly after a Yeenoghu-centric war party achieves a great victory, emerging from a billowing, fetid cloud of smoke as it arrives from its "air dnd" in the Abyss. In battle, the Shoosuva clamps its jaws around one victim while striking out with the poisonous stinger on its tail to bring down another. A creature immobilized by the poison becomes easy pickings for the savage gnolls nearby. Each Shoosuva is bonded to a particular favored Gnoll of Yeenoghu and fights alongside its master. A gnoll that has been gifted with a shoosuva is second only to a Flind in status, and carries with them a sense of dread for any who oppose the approaching slaughter. Let's Go A Little DeeperShoosuvas have a history deeper than 5th Edition. With the prevalence of the gnoll in Dungeons and Dragons legacy, the Shoosuva went hand in hand, though their art has certainly evolved. An artist's example of the emaciated, nearly humanoid Shoosuva from 1st Edition Dungeons and Dragons. By 3rd Edition of Dungeons & Dragons, the Shoosuva are much more...furry. But I prefer its most recent rendition in 5th Edition. The patchwork fur, as if striated from a living corpse; the exposed rib cage, with light emanating from within, so when the thing opens its maw, the nauseating yellow glow from within pours out, the last thing a victim sees before it chomps down on their head. Leprous throats, glowing and bloated eyes, and vicious, jagged teeth...don't you just wanna' hug him? You'll have to stand on your tippy-toes - these good boys are 6 feet tall, with a series of bony spikes and ridges running up the spine, ending in a glistening, barbed tail with a poisonous stinger (which causes paralysis). Super fun. You want one of your own? Then you'd better stock up on spare carrion, as this thing's favorite food is rancid meat. Though you might be able to coax it with your wit and wiles, as, especially by gnoll standards, these things are pretty smart (Int 6-8), but not THAT smart. Getting a cleric on your side to turn or tame one might be a wasted effort, too. Though they look undead, their forms seemingly powered by that necrotic light within their torsos, their demonic lineage grants them the tell-tale resistances to such radiance, along with the standards of energy damage - most are resistant or immune to things like Lightning, Fire, Poison, and Cold, not-to-mention that ever-tricky "damage from non-magical weapons" deal. By the numbers, a Shoosuva is a hefty beast for most middle-level adventurers, and a deadly encounter for young parties. Thing is, they're rarely alone; fighting alongside a gnoll war band and, most likely, a seasoned gnoll warrior who's a cut above their fellows. Their demonic nature cuts most damage in half and you can kiss that charm spell goodbye. Their natural armor isn't amazing, but they make up for it with a boatload of hit points and an extra attack. Plus, they share the gnoll's iconic Rampage ability, so the moment the wizard goes down, you can bet he's coming for your cleric next. The thing to really watch out for is its Tail Stinger - it's got a 10-15 foot reach, rocking d8s in damage, and a nasty Constitution save or be PARALYZED (hits become crits, yo). Creatures can repeat the saving throw at the end of their turns, if they survive that long. How Much Is That Demon In The Window?Alighted in the face of battle, Shoosuva charge in with savagery and wild abandon, pulling in as many foes as possible to rend asunder. A Shoosuva fighting alongside their bonded Gnoll will coordinate dangerous and vicious tactics, alternating from riding and vaulting the wild Gnoll into foes, feinting with their poisonous tail while the Gnoll fells attackers immobilized by the venom. Nasty stuff. In a war band's hierarchy, a Shoosuva's companion answered only to a Flind, but even that could be usurped in the loose tribal nature of a Gnoll pack. If you were to summon a Shoosuva directly, without the chosen of Yeenoghu, a powerful shaman could acquire instructions on how to summon their hyenadon companion - some induce visions by gorging on bad mushrooms and wandering the wastes, while others keen on linguistics may yet uncover the sparse written tomes on slabs of rock in the deep, dark caves of precursor war bands. Often the ritual involves taking the skull of a previous shaman or witch doctor, carving it into the shape of a hyena skull, then smashing it onto the ground; if it's favorable, the current shaman may utter Yeenoghu's name, opening a gate to call the Shoosuva. But these fine puppies only hang around for an hour or until slain, and do not bond to any favored warrior. You could, of course, attempt to just ask Yeenoghu directly. Pray really hard, and maybe he'll port in a Shoosuva to hang out and solve a little problem you've been having. You could do that...though even the most faithful will get silence, or worse, they get a Shoosuva who promptly kills them for being unable to solve their own problems. If you are graced with a new puppy pal, the thing would only stay for minutes or even seconds; just long enough to maul a paladin or two, and then he's outsville. Shoosuva in Ionian LoreThe gods are tricky beasts, and Yeenoghu is one to involve himself in the lives of his followers through portents, visions, and signs. To his sovereign best, however, a Shoosuva was crafted as a personal bodyguard and intermediary to his favored warriors. Shoosuva in Gnoll translates directly as "returner", and were believed to be the reincarnations of Yeenoghu's greatest disciples; a glimpse of the honorable next step for his favored here in the material. Die in glorious battle and return one day in this new form to fight again.
As the tides of time passed and Asmodeus led his mythic Consolidation, Yeenoghu and his disciples fled a collapsing Abyss and held court among the stars. This disruption led to the ascension of another demigod to bless the Gnoll tribes...and free them from their fiendish hunger, a ripple that erupted across the magical bindings of a Shoosuva and their companions. Suddenly, a demon bound for life began a journey all their own. Would they wander the wastes of this new world? Find packs of their own, or evolve into something new? Only time (and games), will tell. See you at the table. -Adamus |
Adam SummererProfessional Game Master musician, music teacher, game designer, amateur bartender, and aspiring fiction author. Honestly, I write what I want when I want. Often monster lore, sometimes miniature showcases, and the occasional movie/show review.
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